Be Good Air
Things I Have Learned and Discovered
Many years ago, I read an article about Jerry Seinfeld liking his wife because she was “good air.” I define that as looking for what you can learn, offer, and solve, instead of what you can get. Everywhere you go today is a place that needs love. Ask God to help you reflect love every time you cross a threshold, even if it’s just the hardware store. Here are some categorized lists of things I have discovered over time, that I think contribute to being good air.
Dating, Love, Commitment and Family
Never marry someone in a rut, expecting the marriage to free them from it.
A woman who calls a man for a date has lost out on an opportunity to discover if he really likes her - if he does, he will call.
Longing for a man’s return, or preoccupation with choosing between desirable partners, may be a sign that a woman needs to pause and explore her own identity. The antidote to longing, waiting to be chosen, or choosing between two people, is to choose yourself.
Fantasy is a drug, and “psychic healers” are dealers who cause single women to lose time and fertility waiting on a calendar date, when they could’ve gone on a dinner date.
You can listen to what people say, or you can watch their feet. Women falling in love should watch a man’s feet for at least three seasons before making a commitment to him.
Boredom in a worthy woman can become an unworthy man’s big chance in romance. Don’t get bored. Remain curious, and never allow yourself to become a habit in the life of a drifting man.
Leaving a relationship is not letting go of a person. Leaving is momentary, letting go takes time. Letting go while you are in the relationship may prevent leaving in the first place.
People who regularly snap at their kids and husband while making sure they are not using foods or products with harmful chemicals are mystifying. Detox your tone and body language, then inventory the pantry and housekeeping closet.
If you love your kids with money over affection, interest and presence, they may (eventually) spend it on learning to receive love.
If you are bitter or distracted about something that isn’t going your way, put your hand on your heart and imagine needing a machine to keep it going. The next time you’re mad at your spouse, put your ear on their chest and listen to their heartbeat. Reflect back to a time when you were wondering where on earth that beating heart was, and when he or she would enter your life.
Psyche
If there’s peace in you, and you’re on earth, there is peace on earth.
You are responsible for the climate of your own mind, and the storms that may come and go in there - with your choices. However, if you worship choices, you’ll cave in on yourself. Put God first.
“Please God” sounds like standing still. “Thank you, God” sounds like moving forward.
Work and Money
It may be true that if you surround yourself with prosperous people, your salary will be a median of theirs. But lots of couch surfers and losers have rich pals. Just keep your head down and work hard. Trust the process.
An appropriate opportunity for a woman to embrace and celebrate feminism is in the workplace, not at a party or on a date - unless you wish to kill off chemistry with a great guy.
Before you hire someone by the hour, notice how they use the few minutes it takes to pitch a service.
Think of accruing bad debt as being generous to yourself with other people’s money - it’s not yours, and you may be out of order. If you have an expense account, use it like it is your own money. Don’t answer a call for volunteers with a reference - step up yourself. Practice the golden rule with time and finances, and be generous with whatever you have.
Self-Esteem and Self-Care
If you keep forgetting to tell someone something, it may not be that you’re forgetting. It may be that they don’t care and you sense it when you are with them.
Care for surroundings is crucial, and cleanliness is close to Godliness. However, an impeccable home that feels like a museum may not be an achievement, but a sign of a starving creative life.
Fasts and cleanses can activate an impatient desire to get rid of parts of yourself. Without God’s presence and incentives during a cleanse, fasting can deplete you and become ineffectual. A hearty daily dose of greens and self-acceptance may be enough until you focus on a spiritual purpose for cleansing.
“Processing” the past is like filing papers you already threw away. Carve out a deadline - therapy or reflection of any kind should have a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Charm is “I’m wonderful”. Charisma is “you’re wonderful”.
If you’re getting dressed with a whimsical hope they’ll like your outfit, have fun. If you’re getting dressed with the hope they’ll like you, stay home and read.
Having a margarita or a sundae by the pool and listing your intentions, in cozy conversation, to do hard things, doesn’t spark lasting change. Honest assessments and inventories in handwriting, in uninterrupted solitude, that conclude with one action toward a written item, make way toward sustainable shifts.
Jealousy is a bitter tonic that the dimmest part of the self makes the heart drink. Do not permit yourself to be jealous beyond the tiny, occasional dose that may boost marital territory. Beware of coveting someone else’s sparkling things. Make your own life as enticing as the “Us” magazine in the pedicure place. You’ll end up bringing a book and a content heart to your pedicure.
When you feel like you don’t have “enough hours in the day” and find yourself saying so, set a timer for 5 minutes, close your eyes and breathe. Watch yourself peek at the timer, wondering when it will be over. You will feel as though you have all the time in the world when you open your eyes.
Impossible People
Takers are takers. When you protect yourself and depart from their draining demands, they’re not going to wake up and miss you, they’ll find and take from someone else. Accept that you expected to be the special one who would get decency from an indecent soul. Protect your energy and tell yourself the truth about the people with whom you spend time - you’ll never get that time back.
When you are embarking on a spiritual path, be discerning about sharing with others about it. If you are newly converted and in constant relief for having found relationship with Christ, balance it with reading C.S. Lewis and spending time with elders at church. If you just discovered meditating, seek the experience itself, not the report on it. Write with a silky pen in a journal or say stuff out loud in your car. Over time, you’ll get the answers and conversations you want - when you don’t need them anymore.
Life is better when the words “trying,” “why,” and “fair” are used sparingly in undrawn areas. Overuse of the responses “I’m confused” and “It’s complicated” should get red flags. Common complaints and excuses from emotionally irresponsible people lead to games that require denial and phony exchanges. Choose to be direct, rational and calm, knowing that you are a reflection of God, not another fallible soul. Look others straight in the eye with warmth, no matter their maladaptations.
Smell the flowers, whistle while you work, pray for people you pass on the street, and hunt for the good.
Be good air.
