Intuition and Survivor's Guilt

When You Knew

I once met a remarkable entrepreneur at a fancy cleansing place in California, where everyone drinks juice together and gets treatments and realizes in a controlled environment how chatty we humans become when we are very hungry. I attempted an interview with this man on my then-podcast “Something Better,” but it never materialized.

He had been a professional tennis player. As a young teen in training he once resisted entering a plane, intensely sensing doom. His father forced him onto the plane, and it would be their final excursion together. Strong intuition caused him to unbuckle his seatbelt during the flight, which he hid with a blanket. As a result, he was ejected out of fiery destruction into water and was rescued from drowning by a nearby motorist. His name is Richard Laver and his story is all over the internet, in case you have a similar response to my siblings every time we gather around a table, and I share a personal account of events - they demonstrate humbling suspicion.

Back to the cleanse and meeting the entrepreneur, in 2018. There in the kitchen of that health spa, we had a spontaneous conversation that was unforgettable. As my husband often says to me, “babe, you have never met a stranger.”

I still remember his reflection on the flight, asking aloud…

“Is survivor's guilt possible when you survived because you knew what was about to happen?”

I have been feeling a vapor of this ever since last August, when we did something none of us ever dreamed we’d do.

We left Los Angeles.

Fire and Ice

In January of this year, while fires raged in California and devoured the homes of close friends and relatives, we were feeling as powerless and stunned as everyone else. At one point, I went into the little cubbyhole off our kitchen, where I write and pray. I felt led, fresh from prayer, to look back in a dream journal. I maintain a habit of writing down my dreams, often still half asleep. When I drift from this habit, I return in need of God’s help. I wrote down my dreams a lot between 2020 and 2023. That January day, I flipped to an entry from 2022, where I had scribbled…

“LA is on fire but we are all in winter.”

Snow was driving down on us that morning, and freezing our quiet, new hometown at the moment I read that line in my cubbyhole, down on my knees. My husband was just outside the door, and our younger son was upstairs sleeping. Snow was dumping on another state too, where the son who wasn’t home would soon return to college. We were all in winter. I was shaken by the presence of God working in tiny and massive ways, when I let Him.

Is survivor’s guilt possible when you survived because you knew what would happen?

I wasn’t guilty, I was painfully soothed and relieved. I used that sensation of calm rest in God to know there are never guarantees anywhere, of any kind, but I could use the surplus of calm to pray for others in California. So I did, and still do.

Another Peaceful Protest of Righteous Virtue (Except Where it is Violent, Which is Trump’s Fault)

Now we are seeing more preventable fires. Most of the violent, fiery rage in LA is hidden from mainstream media. Activists similar in nature to paid seat fillers in line outside live tapings of failing shows in LA get photo shoots destined for the front page of captured, sinister media outlets that promote officialdom’s narratives.

We are witnessing calls to detain an “authoritarian” President, who is doing the same exact thing that Obama did in 2010 to contain the southern border, but was never called authoritarian. Obama deported 3 million illegal aliens and no governor called for arrest, no media outlet protested. By the way, use of “illegal alien” is a matter of efficiency in discernment, and it is a legal term.

I do not feel survivor’s guilt for preventing personal experience of what is happening in LA right now. I was burdened from premonitions and dreams while living there, and almost all of my close and meaningful relationships suffered because of it. I am not a savant or a psychic, I am a fallible human who finds the truth obvious and intuitively watches motives and actions. I sensed what would happen and I think it was by design. Harboring information I wanted everyone to know was somewhat tortuous because I feel deeply and I am flawed because of it. I am now free of those entangled predicaments, thank God.

I also enjoy the duties of my state in my new state. I no longer leave the market without fresh food for my family because scary unhinged people I wanted to avoid were lurking in the parking lot.

Fearful, terrifying violence isn’t happening in my backyard anymore. In my backyard right now, two of the the three people I love most in this world are chasing after our rascal of a family dog.

But violence IS happening in LA, and people are suffering. This video below is a screen shot because Substack won’t let me post items that record current events in real time, alongside threatening verbal mind control tactics from a Congressional public servant who is supposed to work for us, not color revolution donors.

But Maxine wobbled. “Don’t just rely on what you’ve been told,” she said. I agree. Especially not what she tells you.

Look into how protesters were furnished with gear, look into contradictions on the website that connects and informs protestors. Look into the Marxist, Atheist Communists who funded that website, find out who funds them, and think for yourself. What is happening in LA has already happened in many countries, courtesy of USAID.

Use your intuition. It will prevent the survivor’s guilt that may emerge once we are out of this mess, because we will be out of this mess. Please join me in prayer God speeds us to empowering clarity and calm.