Ten Green Flags to Look For In Your Future Husband

Good-Hearted Men and Dating

Women today spend a lot of time recanting details of how a guy on a dating app annoyed her, or what a guy did or didn’t do on a date, or how exhausting it is to have faith that someone great is really out there. I get it! I gathered around the begging bowl and complained with other single gals when I was dating too, until I stopped - cold turkey. Because complaining and ruminating was ruining my life.

I met Dr. Pat Allen, and her work changed my life. She helped me to identify the good, raise my standards, and preserve opportunities in dating that reflected promise, with conscious use of feminine energy language. I had a voice and a right to veto, and therefore I could let him lead. There are great masculine leaders everywhere! You may need help pivoting away from behavior that represents a dead end. Here’s a nudge and a few hints in identifying the behavior of great guys who take action. Keep the faith, girl!

Ten Green Flags to Look For In Your Future Husband

---

1. He avoids long talks on the phone before the date. The idea doesn’t even occur to him.

Masculine leaders don’t hang on the phone, teenage girls do. Men who require a long talk before a date have lost touch with their courageous fire and adventurous willingness to leap into action without the comfort of certainty.

2. He asks you out in person right away, and uses texting for necessary date details - not long paragraphs on unrelated items.

Masculine leaders do not waste their time or yours. He wants to get in person to see if you’re good air. Masculine leaders know that beauty is hygiene, and he wants to get eyes on your self-care. He is wondering if you are present and kind, and the deep end is that a masculine leader is subconsciously evaluating if his heart will be safe with you over time. He also wants to see if your profile pics reflect your present age and weight, sis. In other words, he wants to know if you’re living in integrity.

3. He does not text “How was your day?” without having met you, or having planned a near-future date with you.

Masculine leaders who are healthy and secure do not text and use women to feel a false sense of companionship while hiding out from courageous in-person attempts to have it. If a man sitting in sweats on the couch texts “what are you doin?” to a woman he has not met or at least made plans with, I suggest she respond “wondering when you are going to book a time and take me out on a date.” Hopefully he will take the challenge, put some pants on and take you out. If he doesn’t, don’t sweat it. You’re free of riff-raff and that much closer to someone who will!

4. He talks on the date, which is a compliment and an indication he wants to “get in the running” with you, in case there are others he is confidently competing against.

When women complain to me that he talked a lot, and she listened, I am encouraged! He is not hear to “see you” and “hear you” and all that other gobbledy gook. Go to therapy for that, sis. This guy is trying to IMPRESS you, so listen to him, trust your instincts, and see how you feel!

5. He doesn’t drink on the date and if he does, it is one with dinner.

Don’t mess with an obvious drinking problem. If you sense the drink is an intense need and not a breezy option, run. I suggest you avoid drinks on dates yourself, but don’t manage or monitor his choices. Just clock how you feel without judgement.

6. Even if he isn’t super funny, he still maintains a sense of humor to keep things light.

Maintaining a sense of humor about the subtly odd experience of strangers who seek a life-changing event like marriage is possible! Lots of good, well-fathered, well-mannered guys know how to manage with warm and lighthearted humor, putting a kind woman at ease.

7. He is present, engaged, makes eye contact, and does not look at his phone with you present at the table (or even at all).

Being in present time is a bright green flag. If he is making eye contact and isn’t in a mad rush, good chance he is in the now. An indicator of his presence is your feeling seen and pretty while he was looking at you. A man who has time for you, but doesn’t linger or drift into an overcooked date or a second excursion? Pure gold. The goal is to feel like he had nothin’ but time, but was in no rush to use it all up either. He has a life, priorities, and time for you, little by little, as you find out if you’re compatible.

8. He is courageous about sharing vulnerabilities about his life, not to seek your help but to be transparent and open - and he does not emotionally overshare or list complaints.

If a healthy masculine leader is managing a few iniquities that may affect his availability or resources in his ideal committed relationship, he will be real and up front about it. He will not complain - he’ll just state the facts. E.g. “I own my own place but I am still renting a room to a roommate from college, he’s good guy but kind of a handful” or “My mom is going through a tough time without my dad so I have been driving several hours once a week to see her.” A good guy may see something as a strike against him, but it can simultaneously be an indication of his loyalty and integrity. Smart women accept items that contain indications of good character. When I met my husband he was brief and forthright about not ever wanting a divorce, but accepted and adjusted to his ex-wife’s departure. He listed wins of personal growth since then, and emphasized his love for his kids. It felt easy to respect his vulnerability because he was essentially telling me he is a family man who prefers being married to remaining single, and I liked hearing that.

9. He is kind to the valet, host or hostess and wait staff.

Good people do not permit conflict with someone they barely know. Even if the service is terrible or the place is a mess, a good man will generously offer a hall pass and focus on the point of the excursion, which is getting to know you.

10. He walks you to your car and asks you out for another date in person.

Remember, masculine leaders who are dating to marry do not waste time. If he likes you, you will know it. He may ask you out at the end of the date. If not, he may contact you the next day. Dr. Pat Allen says he has eight weeks - maybe he has other stuff going on that creates a delay. The important thing is, let him contact you. If he isn’t calling, he’s not into you. Your job is to work on the self-esteem it takes to declare it his loss!

I am aware that nowadays some men will continue the conversation from a date via text that night. While I know this may be acceptable practice today, texting is not a viable way of creating intimacy that lasts a lifetime, and good men know it. I suggest that women avoid it by being respectful and direct. Just write back “let’s talk next time we see each other.” Too many text exchanges can cause meaning misfires and dull the budding chemistry, which often emerges from communication.