They’re Going for the Gold
Sensible Step-Motherhood Proves the Immoral, Unethical, Disregard for the Mother in Indoctrination Agendas
I have always loved Kahlil Gibran’s beautiful, impossible poem
your children are not your children they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself they are with you yet they belong not to you…
I used to need that poem as a daughter. I fastened it to my heart in my twenties as I set out to live a life that was different from other women in my family. That winding road meant marriage to a parent later in life, and now I need the poem as a stepmom.
Stepmom expert Laura Petherbridge accepts that she is not related to her stepsons. Her husband is the only factor that binds them, and in the event of death, she may not have a continuing relationship with her stepchildren and grandchildren. Her stepmom clients need her message. She writes that some are in the delusion of “no, my stepchild needs me more than his mother”.
I cringe at this. My “salt” as a stepmom is that I accepted my supporting role from day one. It is not easy, but it is simple.
I am on the track, in trainers, in the heat, passing the baton to my husband and his ex-wife in the long race of raising two men to adulthood, but I am simply not eligible for the gold. I wasn’t ever going to go for it, and I knew that kind of ego and stupidity would only hurt the kids. Now that they are young men, I look back and thank God. I was opening my hands on a daily basis and asking to be shown where I was needed. I was offering mothering without identification of it. It didn’t matter. I was just Amy. They were just nourished.
Friends of mine who were children of divorce, who were once young stepsons and stepdaughters, told me things about their experience because I asked. I heard them say they wanted to feel a sense of belonging with a stepparent, without the pressure of being forced to love. I heard that. I’d even say to them, “you don’t have to like me, but I love you”. I whispered the wolf mama’s line from the Jungle Book to them: “you’re mine to me”. I did what Jesus did- I put children first. I did my best to make a home of letting people off the hook, full of good food, good vibes, music and laughter. I’m most proud of my home for the feeling in it.
A fun look back before we go to the deep end of this: I found this clip yesterday, an outtake of when I included them in a promo video at the piano and they pressed the fart machine we had around at the time.
Now we get to the important part
Even if they suffer the inexplicable confusion of the birth bond that unconsciously causes a child to reject his mother, and even when I am offering something that is really needed from her, she’s still their Mom. Think of the times you just wanted your Mom. It is that simple.
Accepting this reality not only liberates me, It liberates the kids. Parenting from a inner bottomless pit of irrationally needing to be first, over letting the child love you on his terms, just grosses me out.
I am in the race and not ever going for the gold.
I’m here, and I love them. Sometimes I’ll ask if they have talked to their mom about stuff they tell me and they haven’t. I got over the guilt of it. Their lead. I’m not going to withhold loving guidance just because they find it easier to tell me certain things. I love my mom a lot and there was and is stuff I just don’t tell her.
When I interviewed volleyball champion, model and stepmother Gabby Reece for a podcast episode, she said she enjoys the ease she experiences with her stepdaughter. She said “There’s something about the two that I birthed, that we get under each other’s skin in a way I never do with my stepdaughter...we don’t have all the genetics and karma and stuff”. She talked about how kids need other influences. I am humbly a part of a whole, as wonky as it is at times, and I know who gets the gold. I get to claim unexplored mothering areas where the boys employ me. I step in when I’m wanted, and step out when I’m not. It’s a soul thing, and that is enough for us.
My wish used to be that all the stepmothers out there embrace Ms. Petherbridge’s wisdom.
Get in the race, and realize you’re not ever getting the gold. Even the stepmoms who have been the sole caregiver for a child since infancy must accept he’s gonna be 18 someday, and may want to seek his birthmother. It’s nature. It’s intense. Have you seen the ocean? Don’t mess with nature just because you won’t accept not being eligible for the gold in this scenario.
But now? Now it is my wish for A LOT of people irrationally going for the gold.
Now that we are looking at lucrative medical agendas for kids, it is the public school administrators, employees, teachers, school nurses, principals, superintendents who are going for the gold. Even City Council candidates in LA County can be found illegally campaigning on school campuses without consequences.
Not only do we just need to leave kids alone and let them have a childhood, if a student expresses anything that has to do with their body, their medical condition or health, spiritual life, personal confusion or emotional experience, Mom needs to know. I understand negotiation. I understand communication and compromise. I just validated that kids need other influences. I do not accept leaving the mother out of it. And these people are doing just that.
To all who are going for the gold in a child’s life, who are not even related to that child, hear me now.
Respect the mother.
She’s not a woman because she identifies as one, and she’s not a mother because she identifies as one. She is the adult female person who sweat and bled those children into the world through her God given anatomy and her courage to see that responsibility through to term. Her courage to welcome them and commit to them. Those with a disposable job title who question whether she’s equipped by eternal forces of nature actually don’t know the power of their harm, and need to step off.
If you are a school administrator who wants to disregard the mother and have a conversation with a child you’re not related to, about very personal items, and you do not include the mother, you should be removed from your position.
I do not care about the agenda’s talking points, I see right through them and I see what is going on. So do a lot of Moms. So do Toby Rogers and Jennifer Bilek. No one explains it better than them.
Please read these pieces:
Mom is getting the gold. She surrendered her body to that child. Join me in my personal experience of holding high regard for that. Disregard the mother, and you disregard the child, who is made of her.
It’s an agenda. It’s not just the “religious” or the “far right” who oppose the gender affirming “care” for children agenda, it is gay and trans people who oppose the agenda.
It is an agenda and it stops when we stop it.
And to all those stepmoms out there who don’t need to go for the gold, here’s the paradox.
Very enlightening. Thank you for sharing your experiences. And thank you for directing us to Toby and Jennifer’s articles.
This is incredible. And accurate!!