Visibles and Invisibles
Who's the Parent Here?
I have a theory on two energies that emerge from caregivers in alternative family situations. I’ll call the two energy types "visibles" (typically a birthparent) and "invisibles" (typically a stepparent or guardian). Alternative family predicaments have a real upside in the culture today. They can sharpen the ability to navigate this cultural awakening. The ability to see through malignant agenda increases, especially when there is difficulty. Managing uncommon roles can heighten the awareness, adaptability and patience necessary for trusting that only time will do the talkin’.
Hardworking invisibles are often virtuous and empathic types who will go to any length. They are the guardians, mother and father figures, aunts and uncles, stepparents, grandparents, etc. It’s rare that a birthparent is an invisible, but if you find one, they are usually suffering from unjust parental alienation because a visible has smeared them.
Difficult visibles attract helpful invisibles. While they often refuse to acknowledge a team effort of supporting characters, they do not hesitate to use them. In addition, questionable, inconsistent efforts from a visible birthparent can disappear inside acceptable social norms. Societal reverence for parenthood that we should have is automatic. “Oh, that’s the mom, that’s the dad.” Difficult visibles rely on this. Being kin can automatically cleanse the public perception of a parental circumstance, no matter what they have done or not done. Accepting this requires humility and basic decency from involved invisibles. Behind any kid thriving after divorce you’ll often find an invisible who has the stamina to manage discomfort, alongside humility and decency steadying their disposition. Manure creates flowers, mines create diamonds, storms make rocks smooth as silk. That kinda thing.
It’s rare, but some visibles are not kin. For instance, visible stepdads are common, while visible stepmoms are not. This is because stepdads get country songs while stepmoms get suspicion, but I indulgently digress. The point is, with visibles and invisibles, things are not always as they seem.
Citizen Journalists Collect Receipts
Invisibles truly understand the concept of "receipts", a term often used with citizen journalists ushering in this awakening, through diligent research and response without reaction. Invisibles within an alternative family structure know the well-worn path of protecting a child by looking for “receipts”. Who paid? Who drove? Where’s the folder they gave you? Where’s the sweatshirt I bought for you? (There’s the possibility it was on a visible while a kid shivered in the stands.) “With receipts” is a colloquialism for collecting the facts and the proof.
Invisibles remain calm through discomfort when phony backstory from an uninvolved or disruptive visible comes up, and it is accepted as truth. A mother once preoccupied by the Tinder app while her children were small denies it ever happened and creates a present day illusion that excludes her draining dating history. A father who abused drugs gets clean but doesn’t apologize for the past he doesn’t remember. Invisibles know not to react in the presence of this kind of theatre. They know time will tell, and they remain content with their clear conscience. Invisibles expect disruptive visible kin to claim the fruit of an invisible's sacrifice.
This is not unlike the process of manipulated recorded history that citizen journalists now uncover, discover and discard in the current cultural awakening.
Being an invisible in a child’s life is a mean season, and highly effective for waking up and bringing you closer to God, the supreme architect of the custom-built path to spiritual awakening. Like a lot of sub-cultural roles, when invisibles meet, just nodding together can be a healing experience. Besides, someone else always has it way, way worse. Especially those trapped in the dysfunctional, broken-by-design family court system.
Now let's take this theory of visibles and invisibles and cut to the gender agenda.
The gender agenda is pure stink and rot now, and hell-bent on establishing that parents have no rights. Here in CA, Attorney General Rob Bonta made an “I see you” speech this week, which he posted under the Twitter banner of his family photo, where the first word of his bio is “Dad”. Don’t be fooled, it’s a dark and wretched display and Chris Bray’s response is the only one worth reading. I’ll wait, in case you want to read it and come back.
As a new stepmom to little boys, I literally CANNOT IMAGINE having kept personal information from my husband or their loving mother. I CANNOT IMAGINE asking them about their gender, or leading questions about their sexuality. The thought of it makes me a bit sick. Back then, most would’ve (correctly) called me a groomer if I had. What happened? Why is this ok now?
I can hear the leftist rebuttal: “well, I wouldn’t ask about gender either, but if a child came to me first….” Right, if he came to you first, because every single social media screen, movie, TV show and and cool club at school is suggesting and promoting these concepts? Because our Attorney General is standing amid the desperate urban California ruin prioritizing an “I see you” speech and stating that school is safer than home? He’s being PR for a lawsuit against a school district that just wants kids to learn math again, and wants teachers to save the birds and the bees for the kitchen table.
In case you still think our equal justice system is just fine, it’s not. Even at the level of schoolchildren. Women here in CA are fighting to set up Christian clubs at public schools. Not trying-fighting. They simply want their Constitutionally protected space, the same one that has been legally provided for the Satanism club and the LGBTQ+ club. They are sometimes driven off campus by students and parents screaming at them, accusing them of “hate”.
A Caregiver’s Job is to Prevent a Kid From Getting Flooded
When school took place at home due to tyrannical lockdowns, our then 13-year-old came to me with his laptop and asked “what do I do?” It was because he had been given a questionnaire about his sexuality and gender, fueled and fortified with modern day sitcom and pop culture references. This was for Spanish class. In tiny writing at the bottom it said “optional”. He knew this would spark my fiery protective self, and probably saw a chance at diversion from a boring schoolday in his room. At that point he was thrilled by the loose threads of my personality making their way out of an otherwise composed skirt of daily routines amid the cultural crisis. He was eager to bait reaction. We had a hearty and humorous exchange, but I remember very well one part. I had seen a tiny fleck of fear in his eyes. Afterwards, I went to a place where I could pray for all the kids with working parents, alone in apartments and houses on Zoom, flooded by this questionnaire, suddenly feeling alone.
Surrendering Best Care: the Hidden Superpower of Invisibles
Invisibles who know better and can provide better, and on principle, have sat stoic and surrendered best care to respect an incompetent or even disastrous visible, likely see right through what is going on in California. They know that the birth bond and the childhood process requires respect, and that no matter an invisible’s opinion, sometimes kids just need their visible. Because it is usually mom or dad.
How?
In my opinion, this willingness to let go and surrender a child’s best care can’t be done without God. This explained to me why I met so many devout Christians in my stepmom network years ago. The kind who lean on scripture in the middle of the night, tell you about it so you can feel relief, and don’t care if you travel as a missionary or attend church. They just tell you how they got through it. They listen, nod, and send you Bible verses. When I felt like a frantic, human searchlight in 2020, learning more and more about the culture, I understood citizen journalists because they reminded me of the invisibles who had taught me to respond without reacting, and to respect the process with visibles.
Therefore, it is my conclusion that invisibles develop a capacity for expert-level sight, right through the culture’s twisted, manipulative schemes.
“But for the grace of God go I”
Technically, I am neither an invisible or a visible. Sometimes I get the front row, sometimes I get the nosebleed seat. Sometimes I feel like an afterthought and sometimes I feel like a chosen Mama-woman in a miraculous second chance, elevated by my grateful husband and kids. I don’t always know how things will be, but the truth is they are manageable and stable. However, I have been close enough to the heat of blended family stuff to see what happens when it turns to wildfire.
“But for the grace of God go I” is my motto. As a stepmom I have watched the fruit of my sacrifices get claimed by a visible-even my own husband! If it drifts past humorously correcting the record, it can spoil unexpected blessings. I help raise two kids I love as my own. I am Joel 2:25-26, emphasized to me by a fellow stepmom many years ago.
The ultimate answer is, give all glory to God. Do it for God, and for love, and for the kids. Notice I didn’t write “the state” in that sentence. California and all of it’s public serpents want me to, in the name of a gender agenda.
Parents, politicians are being disruptive visibles, erasing your identity to “save” a child’s
Do not fall for this. Politicians who know nothing about your life, and its conceptions, births, deliveries, first days of kindergarten, grandparents, heritage and on and on…are being disruptive visibles erasing your identity to supposedly “save” a child’s.
They are indeed claiming the fruit of your sacrifices, and trying to render you an invisible. Please do not allow it.
They rely on the gender faery tale to cleanse their intentions in the public eye, while they covertly collect wards of the state. They want our kids. It’s disgusting.