If I were ever to revise and update Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom ( which I won't) I would ask permission to publish this in the fertility chapter. You have done what so few women in your situation have been able
To do.. you TRULY made the bitter lemon on infertility ( I hate that word) into sweet and nourishing lemonade. This is a miracle. Deep bow.
Wow. WOW. Thank you very much!! The lemon…I never thought of that- well said! My heart is high and light, as I have been treasuring and reading that book for twenty years!!! A million thank yous ♥️♥️♥️♥️
thanks for sharing Amy. It is great to behold your re-conceptualising process...of the wishful story you projected ahead (and you now knowing the folly of any automatic outcome expectation) , of the story you were telling yourself of your 'thwarted' experience...
So now, your seeing through this, being open to that beyond wilfullness...to be feeling the liberation inherent in your definitive re-definition of FERTILITY !
In relation to 'holy activism', it would be good for your heartfelt expression to be spread far and wide, so 'out there' in readiness for all the young women unfortunately primed via mRNA infliction to be finding, in their own timeline, they are 'thwarted' in their wish for conception.
It might well provide a support, a guidance, a general nudge in consideration of, a re-orientation to what life is, and for 'pennies to drop'... how some players are trying to mould humanity into some weird shape.
In effect, that the "maimed by jab" listen to, and get succour, from the realisation......
"Some people just don’t have a baby. I am secure in my awareness that to trust God and love anyway, everywhere you can, is holy activism. We live in an artificial, at-any-cost, have it all, willful world. I resist that; I surrender. That means sobbing with surprise is knowing a storm is a blessing in a drought."
I have written that down in my notebook.
"Sobbing with surprise is knowing a storm is a blessing in a drought " is somehow the sentence that conveys it all deep down eh...
And then on the human scale..."Laughter, and gentle, unexpected moments of sensing my husband’s protection of my most tender territory, have healed me."....that is so heartwarming to hear, the connection, and your appreciation of him that comes across...
Hi Amy, this morning i have set aside a few hours for you. Why?
Because (self) expression begets (self) expression, and you having been prompted to share yourself 7 years since 'the night in the tub' is an auspicious event...... so for me to not be recognising that, is rather like being invited into your home, having a quick scan of the surroundings, ignoring your offer of a cup of tea, and then hastily making my excuses and scooting out the door!
You had the impulse to curate your experience to share at this point in time...so you are inviting, (is it soliciting?...why do we write articles?), attention (and it helps me with my mulling on life of course...i have signed up to 'author' on Substack, but where to begin in expressing hominidsteve?)
May I annotate some more? I shall :)
"I was dying to a fantasy of a past dream"
...very poetic ; with a rhythm ~~~~~~~~~~ ; with a variety of musings over time harnessed within lilt of phrase. Blended into a firm realisation... (and as if scrubbing off all the dead skin softened by hours in the tub...!)
"It is not ever over"
To me Amy this speaks of our existential lot.
In imaging you up in bathroom sobbing, then returning to a throng of laughter, is this not but our need to have a periodical emotional detox?, a bit like we do when exhibit "fluey" symptoms on the metabolic level.
We have build up of 'it'... .'it' being all the hurts and traumas we carry, and never quite resolve, as that is what makes us what we are. So the sob is the wetness, the temporary soaking, a saturation point reached. Let us see it as a doggy taking a dip in the sea? Has got a thorough soaking, skips out onto the shoreline, has a rigorous shimmying shake off, scattering beads of seawater...and on with chasing the ball!
I'm distracted now by the beach!... but to finish up, re the 'silences' you mentioned in your reply. They convey a poignancy. Again, an inevitable element of our existential lot....the silence of our deeply held experiences, the silence of "not sharing", the silence entombed by the will of others noisy deceit, our silence batoned down by a fearfulness ...and indeed. the silence of faith, which can only be of the quiet and personal.
[I'm now distracted by the tv, as new King Charlie is speaking. Oh how all this pomp and ceremony ritualistic stuff has to be cast off! How can global conviviality thrive when such pantomine keeps so many in thrall, a mesmerised state of the soporific! Where is it all going?!]
but to conclude.....
'Lasagne' i give you...
Cheers Amy
x
Footnote....more musings!
I think it is of essence that we all be mindful to be fostering much better ways of relating and sharing than has been par for the course in our life, in the lives of generations before us. We are called upon to cut through the crap that infiltrates so much into how we live our lives...gotta be new ways of doing things, starting with the personal.
Pre-amble rather apt!, as i just got 'wowed' by your 11min you-tube re 'urgent'.
I am rather agog hearing you articulate the dynamic of giving an appearance of openness with someone, but by wielding the masculine skill set avoiding entry into the 'awkward' territory of a deeper emotional intimacy. I have wondered about myself perhaps doing so...and so pleased to hear it spoken of as a 'thing' by you.... Thanks...now 'outed' i can work on it better. (and i think a root of it is our will for power, or another way of viewing it is our Wetiko aspect quietly dominating?)
And I so concur with you!.... the basis of how to 'be'... the "prayerful waiting for God (that offering of oneself up) is indispensable to effective service".
Spot on...the absolutely necessary antithesis to the goal-setting mode we have been groomed to 'achieve' by!
I'm impressed Amy...doing 'the work' it seems you have discovered deeper truths the most of us haven't yet.....and though I dont like framings of pupil to teacher, I'd like to hang out with you some more, as I get strong sense of your learnt wisdom emanation vibe to tune to...
I will pay for a initial month of your substack, and on entry will get to know what you have on offer.... Cheers....see you soon
Thanks for your supportSteve! It is indeed a ‘thing’ and when we all commit to our insides more than our screens and snap judgements, with God, the surf won’t be as rough. Welcome to the mini podcasts!
If I were ever to revise and update Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom ( which I won't) I would ask permission to publish this in the fertility chapter. You have done what so few women in your situation have been able
To do.. you TRULY made the bitter lemon on infertility ( I hate that word) into sweet and nourishing lemonade. This is a miracle. Deep bow.
Wow. WOW. Thank you very much!! The lemon…I never thought of that- well said! My heart is high and light, as I have been treasuring and reading that book for twenty years!!! A million thank yous ♥️♥️♥️♥️
thanks for sharing Amy. It is great to behold your re-conceptualising process...of the wishful story you projected ahead (and you now knowing the folly of any automatic outcome expectation) , of the story you were telling yourself of your 'thwarted' experience...
So now, your seeing through this, being open to that beyond wilfullness...to be feeling the liberation inherent in your definitive re-definition of FERTILITY !
In relation to 'holy activism', it would be good for your heartfelt expression to be spread far and wide, so 'out there' in readiness for all the young women unfortunately primed via mRNA infliction to be finding, in their own timeline, they are 'thwarted' in their wish for conception.
It might well provide a support, a guidance, a general nudge in consideration of, a re-orientation to what life is, and for 'pennies to drop'... how some players are trying to mould humanity into some weird shape.
In effect, that the "maimed by jab" listen to, and get succour, from the realisation......
"Some people just don’t have a baby. I am secure in my awareness that to trust God and love anyway, everywhere you can, is holy activism. We live in an artificial, at-any-cost, have it all, willful world. I resist that; I surrender. That means sobbing with surprise is knowing a storm is a blessing in a drought."
I have written that down in my notebook.
"Sobbing with surprise is knowing a storm is a blessing in a drought " is somehow the sentence that conveys it all deep down eh...
And then on the human scale..."Laughter, and gentle, unexpected moments of sensing my husband’s protection of my most tender territory, have healed me."....that is so heartwarming to hear, the connection, and your appreciation of him that comes across...
Thank you Amy
Best wishes
x
One more thing…”the folly of any automatic outcome expectation” that’s brilliant.
Thank you very much, Steve. I hope it can help anyone who feels pain from this often silent experience. I appreciate your reading and annotating, wow!
Hi Amy, this morning i have set aside a few hours for you. Why?
Because (self) expression begets (self) expression, and you having been prompted to share yourself 7 years since 'the night in the tub' is an auspicious event...... so for me to not be recognising that, is rather like being invited into your home, having a quick scan of the surroundings, ignoring your offer of a cup of tea, and then hastily making my excuses and scooting out the door!
We have to make a stand against rudity eh...
And to further a greater global conviviality!
[ I just looked up 'conviviality'...this popped up.... https://www.lutheranworld.org/content/concept-conviviality , which on initial quick scan sounds pukka intent...but my discernment re the organisation needs follow!)
You had the impulse to curate your experience to share at this point in time...so you are inviting, (is it soliciting?...why do we write articles?), attention (and it helps me with my mulling on life of course...i have signed up to 'author' on Substack, but where to begin in expressing hominidsteve?)
May I annotate some more? I shall :)
"I was dying to a fantasy of a past dream"
...very poetic ; with a rhythm ~~~~~~~~~~ ; with a variety of musings over time harnessed within lilt of phrase. Blended into a firm realisation... (and as if scrubbing off all the dead skin softened by hours in the tub...!)
"It is not ever over"
To me Amy this speaks of our existential lot.
In imaging you up in bathroom sobbing, then returning to a throng of laughter, is this not but our need to have a periodical emotional detox?, a bit like we do when exhibit "fluey" symptoms on the metabolic level.
We have build up of 'it'... .'it' being all the hurts and traumas we carry, and never quite resolve, as that is what makes us what we are. So the sob is the wetness, the temporary soaking, a saturation point reached. Let us see it as a doggy taking a dip in the sea? Has got a thorough soaking, skips out onto the shoreline, has a rigorous shimmying shake off, scattering beads of seawater...and on with chasing the ball!
I'm distracted now by the beach!... but to finish up, re the 'silences' you mentioned in your reply. They convey a poignancy. Again, an inevitable element of our existential lot....the silence of our deeply held experiences, the silence of "not sharing", the silence entombed by the will of others noisy deceit, our silence batoned down by a fearfulness ...and indeed. the silence of faith, which can only be of the quiet and personal.
[I'm now distracted by the tv, as new King Charlie is speaking. Oh how all this pomp and ceremony ritualistic stuff has to be cast off! How can global conviviality thrive when such pantomine keeps so many in thrall, a mesmerised state of the soporific! Where is it all going?!]
but to conclude.....
'Lasagne' i give you...
Cheers Amy
x
Footnote....more musings!
I think it is of essence that we all be mindful to be fostering much better ways of relating and sharing than has been par for the course in our life, in the lives of generations before us. We are called upon to cut through the crap that infiltrates so much into how we live our lives...gotta be new ways of doing things, starting with the personal.
i feel like saying Amen. I shall!
AMEN
Sounds like you have started your substack!!! Set aside hours for YOU! Conviviality, great word.
It feels like I am in preamble to launch.
Pre-amble rather apt!, as i just got 'wowed' by your 11min you-tube re 'urgent'.
I am rather agog hearing you articulate the dynamic of giving an appearance of openness with someone, but by wielding the masculine skill set avoiding entry into the 'awkward' territory of a deeper emotional intimacy. I have wondered about myself perhaps doing so...and so pleased to hear it spoken of as a 'thing' by you.... Thanks...now 'outed' i can work on it better. (and i think a root of it is our will for power, or another way of viewing it is our Wetiko aspect quietly dominating?)
And I so concur with you!.... the basis of how to 'be'... the "prayerful waiting for God (that offering of oneself up) is indispensable to effective service".
Spot on...the absolutely necessary antithesis to the goal-setting mode we have been groomed to 'achieve' by!
I'm impressed Amy...doing 'the work' it seems you have discovered deeper truths the most of us haven't yet.....and though I dont like framings of pupil to teacher, I'd like to hang out with you some more, as I get strong sense of your learnt wisdom emanation vibe to tune to...
I will pay for a initial month of your substack, and on entry will get to know what you have on offer.... Cheers....see you soon
Thanks for your supportSteve! It is indeed a ‘thing’ and when we all commit to our insides more than our screens and snap judgements, with God, the surf won’t be as rough. Welcome to the mini podcasts!
Beautiful ❤️
Thank you!♥️