Memoir Handbook #5: Vampire Variants

Your denial is their protection

Your denial is their protection. Your ability to say “they would never do that” is because YOU would never do that. It is their utter and complete protection. You’re basically Fauci’s psychic bodyguard if you are unwilling to consider his malevolence. Sociopaths don’t have access to Divine Protection. They use good people for it; empaths, suckers, bleeding hearts. They use you for redemption through public perception. It is through the portal of a good soul’s warm willingness to say “oh, he would never do that” that sociopaths sleep well at night after pure destruction. I am here to tell you they do, they would, and they are. Stop helping them. It’s you who would never do that. Stop applying your morals to people who only appear to share them with you.

Vampire Magnet

I was once in a play about Vaudeville on Sunset Blvd. it’s what I referred to in the song Far. “I sang up on Sunset, got treated like spit”. (I did.) I had a chorus part and understudied the lead, who wasn’t very good. I was a better singer and could feel it from the cast during rehearsal because the audience is the teacher. But there were plenty of reasons it wasn’t me in the lead. I would cop to a variety of character deficits that drove the car of my life at that time. I was securing the constant attraction of a certain kind of personality: The Energy Vampire. Cluster B personalities and all of their “variants”. They make up 20% of the population. At that time, I was in need of deep healing, but had made up my stubborn mind that being on the cover of People Magazine was the solution. A gal in that predicament in Los Angeles in the late 90s, singing on Sunset, is an absolute magnet to vampires.

I had just left a vampire boyfriend back home. My temptation for the ramp down into the easy waltz of his wimpy contribution to my life was palpable. The idea of a new relationship with a giving man who actually liked me was a steep staircase. Going back to the familiar one featured as a daily dilemma. He taught me a lot, but I had already learned all I could in the first few months (or maybe even the first few days, when he left me alone at a party while in a bathroom with his ex). Nevertheless, I would enter a dark period of my life where he featured boldly, subtracting years of my overachieving love without the multiplying magic of a man with a plan. But I wouldn’t change a thing. I have a man with a plan now and I am effortlessly grateful for him and every moment that brought me to him.

But let’s get back to the play on Sunset Boulevard. One afternoon I was at rehearsal when a new guy called to ask if I could come outside the theatre to the curb. I had a show that night and had gotten him a free ticket. (No easy task when you’re being treated like spit.) He was double parked and standing on the sidewalk. He had introduced me to the book by Neale Donald Walsh Conversations With God. Our chats about it were expanding my awareness, not him. Nevertheless, he was the great person I was going on about, because there was always someone so, sooo great, and it was not ever me. I wasn’t attracted, but I was trying to shove down the temptation for the boyfriend back home, and listening to myself wasn’t trending at the time. After a big hug hello, he said he couldn’t attend that night. I was flattered that he drove over to tell me in person. That was when he asked me for ten bucks, for gas. I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I went into my dressing room and my purse anyway. And so it began. Decades of draining, painful education about the 20% that don’t see what the 80% do-they just get what they need from them.

In Los Angeles, on the verge of the magazine cover (in my head) 1998

Takers don’t wake, they just take

I wrote this on a stickie note for my wall, the inside of my medicine cabinet, my glove box.. for years. Takers don’t wake, they just take. When you stop letting them, they won’t miss you, they’ll just find the next person to take from. It took me ages to get this, until I stopped looking at the takers and looked in the mirror. I didn’t know what I didn’t know: the attachment to what I was getting out of being someone’s source. I was SO attached to that. I would’ve told you it was my grave concern for what they would do without me. But it was actually what I would do without them. I was so incredibly needy, but I couldn’t receive, so I treated it by remaining needed. Ew, it’s just so gross. But it’s the truth.

I mean, I got out of a steaming eucalyptus bathtub on a Sunday night once to help my employer. Here’s the thing: one can choose with the unconscious mind more than the conscious. To face that, all you have to do is look a little closer at the simplest and most obvious things, just as they are, in order to know what’s really going on. Like my friend Bob says, “just make sure you’re wearing the right shoes in the right place with the right amount of cash in your pocket.” My unconscious need to heal had built an imbalanced life that was filled with AFGOs. (Another F-ing Growth Opportunity). I was in a fantasy that the cover of People was a hop skip and a jump away, but look closer and you’d find that the majority of the time I was a nanny. Who was learning to be a yoga teacher. Who was also a personal assistant. And a waitress. See what I mean?

So one night I was in the eucalyptus tub, feeling a chest cold coming on, and the elderly parent of my employer (as a nanny) got really sick. Today, it would’ve been a 13 second phone call that went like this: “Got news for you, one spouse stays home and one goes to the ER. Bye.” Click. But these were needy takers, and I was addicted to approval for my heavenly holiness of being needed and showing up. BOTH spouses apparently had to be in the ER while the kids were home with the nanny. Ever heard the saying ‘there are no living martyrs’ ? That saying sticks around like a hit song because it’s true. This stuff really will kill you if you’re not careful. Lots of empaths die of doing, disguised as cancer and distracted car accidents and whatever else. That night I was told I just had to come over and be with the sleeping children, it wasn’t that they asked, it was that I agreed! I got out of the tub! When I arrived, I shared that I wasn’t well and could help for an hour tops. Five hours later the employer came home and actually looked surprised when I was ugly sick. That stayed with me-his surprise. I was being taught how demonstration is necessary with vampires and takers because they often don’t listen.

Feel it to Heal it

Now at the time, I wasn’t so unaware as to not catch myself in errors like this and share them too. My mother schooled me that night, called a third strike, pointed out that they don’t respect me and assured me that I owe them nothing. As a result I quit and never spoke to them again. But the unhealed attachment was still there inside, so I kept attracting AFGOs with energy vampires. I will say, over time they were less frequent and less extreme. Toward the end they were easy cleanups, maybe a person in the support group within which I healed. I highly recommend group support, because you are re-triggering within a safe space where others are willing to change too. However beware and look closely, because some in 12 Step are far more wounded than you, and now many have been captured by the very narrative I’m fighting right now, with my pen as my sword.

My mother once pointed out to me that as a kid, I’d have a friend over and repeat “Mom isn’t she just great?” I could give you the list on why I was seeking worthiness through a new friend, but that could get boring. However, I encourage personal inventory as necessary to the healing empath. It’s not just the vampire variant- it’s you. I was an approval junkie. I felt unworthy of belonging unless I was helping. As a result, I wasn’t really helping to be effective, I was helping to get something I needed, which isn’t helping. It’s a form of selfishness, a self centered hole. An unappealing bottomless pit. When I rigorously changed my behavior along with accepting this about myself, the presence of vampires diminished. When I deeply embodied that I am enough and accepted God’s love, the vampires were gone, and I could actually be of wholesome service to others. That isn’t to say I’m not in a daily agility practice. I am a stepmom after all. But haven’t you ever met a recovering alcoholic who thoroughly enjoys sobriety in his job as a bartender?

In fact I’ve had a few ridiculously obvious victories like seeing a dopesick addict in a Whole Foods parking lot scamming money off of innocents with a poor me story. I saw him from a distance and was literally excited to practice granting him the decent dignity of his own consequences. I was strutting and ready to share tough love, only to have him walk by without seeing me. I even circled past him again in my car, driving out of the lot. Looking right at him as I drove by, he gazed past me. “He can’t even see me!” I was saying aloud to myself. You gotta understand, I was a magnet to people like that. I was giving them money and time. The experience was so remarkable I had to call Dr. Northrup and share it. “I’m officially vampire proof!” I said.

Dr. Northrup’s book Dodging Energy Vampires is required reading for learning the personal version of what we are going through as a collective with these Cluster Bs. They are mainlining the energy of innocent souls from National News podiums and seats on local School Boards and City Councils. When you heal it in your personal life, you’ll apply it. The certainty I achieved from honoring the sensation in the pit of my stomach in relationships with vampires is a match to my certainty that Corporate Media is accomplishing narcissistic abuse in homes all over America.

You Wouldn’t, But They Would

The reason half the country still thinks Fauci actually cares about humanity is because the mind control worked on people who need to learn vampire variants not virus variants. Mind control only works on people who have not applied and accepted awareness of trauma, sociopathy, abuse, and vampire energy. Not only do they need to learn, we actually all need them to learn. That’s the urgency showing up in anyone who has been labeled “extreme” by the abusive phenomenon of fact checking.

Ideally, you learn the nuance of this slowly, from childhood. When my son was little and identified the energy of projection via a false accusation from a relative, inside I was really proud of him. He came home and announced that an interaction was off and unfair. We asked for details and validated him for being correct, without disparaging our relative. What you don’t learn while growing up, life will teach.

And half the nation is about to get a crash course in vampire variants.

It’s the half that hasn’t determined the difference between “I would never do that” and “They would never do that”. No, you probably wouldn’t do that. No, you wouldn’t suppress inexpensive life saving medicine so you could make billions on a vaccine. No, you wouldn’t abuse a child on a private island or engage with someone you knew did. No, you wouldn’t demolish cultivated neighborhoods and destroy public schools for money. No, you wouldn’t usher in a surveilled smart city serving globalists. No, you wouldn’t withhold resources for the 800 million going hungry, while force vaccinating for a cold.

But they would.

And even as I write this I recall decades of subservience to a professional culture that groomed me. I wanted to sing from the top of the charts. That culture taught me to believe “there is no us and them”. That was strategic. Take it from someone who isn’t on the top of the charts for a good reason. I got glimpses of what that would take, and feel spared. If you, too think there is no us and them, I’m here to assure you, there is. And the “them” are not ordinary citizens among you. They are an elite few hiding in plain sight.

You wouldn’t, but they would. A few thousand globalists would. But there are billions of us. Remarkable, redeemable, resilient US. They want us divided so we won’t notice that they’re coming for all of us. And we need to join hands and stand together, in unison, in person, in spirit.

Because the thousands, if psychically protected by billions of unaware people, could destroy us.

So stop protecting evil tyrants with your denial.

Our job right now is steady unwavering discernment between a whole healed self and a Cluster B vampire variant causing harm without conscience. If you already smell what I’m stepping in (and it does indeed stink) then keep up the great work.